S & M (Sabotage & Motivation)

Pre-cyst era I was always somewhat of a self-sabotager. You know, like I would start a diet and then find myself elbow deep in a bag of salt and vinegar chips at one o'clock in the morning. That kind of sabotage has followed me into the cyst era. This time though, instead of gaining a pound and feeling blue about it, I gain a few days of excruciating pain when I sabotage myself. In hindsight I'd rather be fat and obsessing about that! Just the same, old habits die hard, even when I have such inredible inncentive to stay on track. Like last night, my husband produces these tiny morsels of heaven resembling homemade fudge. I caved and ate a square, I'm only human for crying outloud! It was freakin delicious, but of course I have some pain and pressure this morning. It is crazy how finicky this damn thing is! I only cheat very sledomly and this helps keep me in good spirits. I had a dear friend ask me the other day how I stay so motivated with my new way of eating and beleive me it isn't easy (especially living in the middle of nowhere, USA). The trick is quite simple for me and I borrowed it from Kris Carr.

In the outakes of her documentary Crazy, Sexy Cancer (one man's trash is another man's gold), Kris was taking her newly cancer-free cousin shopping at an organic market to make the lifestyle switch. They passed the dehydrated fruit section and her cousin wanted some for a sweet tooth. Kris explained that dehydrated fruit was high in sugar and the right choice, as always, was real fruit. Her cousin insisted, "What do I do if that isn't enough?" Kris said, "Then you cry, you cuss or whatever you have to do then you go eat some fucking watermelon."

I just love that! It is so simple and so matter of fact. We think we will fall apart if we don't get to eat something we want, but the truth is nothing happens if we don't eat it, we move on. The worse that can happen is you have to cuss and cry about it. My family is always hounding me about my eating habits and saying stuff like, "Eat this! Live a little!". For me though, living life has nothing to do with eating chemical laden pizza and cocktails. Living life is about being able to walk through a park without pain, pick up my beautiful nephews and toss them in the air, sneaking make-out sessions with my husband while on a hike. Food is simply the fuel, and in my case the medicine, that will get me back to actually 'living a little'...and I want the best.