I got the blues. I try really, really hard not to get the blues, but they come just the same. It is just depressing to have your life revolve around your back! There's no way out of it. It is most depressing during the middle of the day when I am sitting in bed watching the world go on without me. I miss my old life so, so much and it is a scary thing to do. Mostly because I don't know if I will ever get my old life back or if I should put it behind me and except my new fate. On days like this I really just want to explore my options of surgery, but is that really the answer? My intuition tells me no, but my back says 'Get this thing the hell out of me!!!!'.
Also, it is about that time for Aunt Flow to come into town and when she does my back always goes crazier then usual and my emotions completely fall apart. Last night I broke down and drank some organic red wine (so yummy) but today my back is flaring up. Am I really going to have to ay goodbye to all that kind of stuff forever? Not even a little cheating? Well, it's a hell of a way to motivate someone to stay on a diet!
Whenever I get depressed I try to read from one of my buddhist books...they are forever reminding me to not think about myself so much (aka instead of 'why did this happen to me?' think 'why did this happen to us?'. It really helps me to stop pitying myself and refocus on the beauty in the world. My favorite books right now are:
How to See Yourslef As You Really Are by the Dalai Lama
Happines by Matthieu Ricard
And of course good ole faithful http://www.crazysexylife.com/ for some 'Oh, I am not the only one who got the shit end of the stick' therapy!
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Thanks for your comment! With so little known about this disease it is up to us to become the authority and advocate for better options!