Captured During War

I wrote this the day I found out that I had Tarlov Cyst Disease. I actually wrote it within a couple of hours before finding out. At that moment I was convinced that I had an inflammatory disease becasue thus far nothing had been discovered on my previous tests. I was literally driving myself crazy, as I had been for some time, with what could this be. I just knew it was something that was going to kill or cripple me, there was no way someone could be in that amount of pain and not have something seriously wrong with them! Through my affintity for torturing myself came the following:

Captured During War

I’ve been captured during war,

Left here to wade in misery.

Cursing the momentum of the moments,

I swear it’s the end of me.

I’m surprised by my suffering,

And the endurance it keeps taking.

It feels like I’m fighting myself,

Against an enemy of my making.

I’ve been captured during war,

The capturer, a friend to me.

I’ve broken down and cried for hours,

Yet she still ignores my pleas.

I go in and out of hope these days,

Whenever my thoughts are allowed.

She senses my defenses up,

And the sun fades behind the clouds.

I’ve been captured during war,

I see the eyes looking back on me.

I know this face so well it hurts,

Like the truth crashing into me.

How can I defend myself?

Take back what is rightfully mine?

When my biggest enemy lives safe,

Tucked within my mind?

10/13/10